If you have poo, fling it now.

I have no idea who this person is.  After a few years absence, I've decided to see if I can still swim. The last time I re-booted the swimming external drive, this happened : click here->  Covet Thine Mouth.   How bad could it be this time? Nowhere to go but up I say. They renovated the old pool! It was the grand opening yesterday. They have added windows. It used to feel like I was drowning in a sarcophagus in there. Now it feels like I am drowning in a nice airy relaxing place. If you're going to die, might as well be in a pleasant room. They have added new and improved 12 year old lifeguards too! They are lovely little creatures that smile, bounce and flip their hair a lot, so exciting! Now the third time they ask you if you have read the rules on the wall - you know because we've all been swimming there since the 80's (the year their parents were born) and we need to be reminded SEVERAL times not to run on deck nor push each other - it can get a little t...

This journey started 10 months ago. But it feels more like 3.2 years. (Why 3.2 years you ask? It's my blog and I decided on that number. No, you don't get a vote. Also that's when I noticed a swollen finger once. Fine it was 3 years ago, I added the .2 for pizzazz, hush.) You see, in an effort to rid myself of swollen joints and pretend 2 doctors and 1 specialist didn't know what they were talking about, I decided to embark on a natural path to rid myself of Rheumatoid Arthritis. I know, I know, not a sexy illness like; "Oh gosh my boobs are too big" or "I have a fake sex addiction!" No an old lady joint disease. I came to find out that RA is an autoimmune disorder that affects the entire body (lungs, kidneys, eyes...) not just the joints and it can start at any age. One doesn't need to test positive for RA (like myself) to have it...But more on all that boring science later. I used the google. Did you know you can cure cancer with broccoli? ...

For those who aren't up to speed, you might want to read this first: Click here ->     Flinging poo for real! Today is the liquid diet day. It is 9am and I already want a steak. I am starving, this does not bode well for the rest of the day. Clear broth for breakfast, mmm. Right up there with not winning the lottery. Today is also Prep day. Preparation for appointment day. Prrrrrrep. Or better known as hurl everything you are into the toilet day. This starts later. I am looking forward to it for I may see stars.  Who doesn't want to lay unconscious on the commode whilst little gnomes fling out? Fun! I'll give you 50$ for a brioche.

I'm sorry, what's that person on the phone? You want me to do what? That soon? Huh. Faints. Here's the thing. I have anemia. My hemoglobin values are not getting better with time nor iron so my thorough doctor - let's read the word "thorough" again shall we? - thought to cover all bases and schedule a colonoscopy in case there is bleeding, ulcers, gnomes,...up in there. Up in there.  Up in there. Y'all gon' make me lose my mind, up in here, up in here... (DMX? Anyone?) Did you know that with a supposedly socialized health care system one ought to be on a waiting list for these things? Nope, not my ass. They called yesterday and wanted it done this Friday. Friday? I can't possibly, that is the 4th of July!! Johnny Depp is American, surely this excuses me from hell?  So Tuesday it is.  The Google told me there is a "prep" day beforehand? Nice word. Prep. Sounds so innocent and perky. Let's face it, I'll be flinging p...

Hi Deer Goat Wilma! Well, knock me over with a brick. 5 people. Yes 5 so far, have asked me if Wilma will change into a fawn brindle when she grows up. You know, like the Humphrey Dalmatian? 5. Yes, I see it here. From blue to Dalmatianesque.  Now I'll just add photos for gratuitous puppy smiles. Sitting pretty. Going Zebra brindle anytime now. She looks worried about it too. Showing off her demure shy side...

Does that look like a goat to you? Yeah, me neither. Same neighbour who dubbed the Humphrey a Dalmatian. "You know she reminds me of a goat. And she runs like a deer.­" Great, I paid good money for a Deer Goat. Maybe she meant Dear Goat. Except her name is Wilhelmina, Wilma to her friends, which is a far cry from the word goat. I thought I'd get "Weimaraner" for sure...Nope. Welcome to the family Wilma, you billy bob goat deer.

 Blogging is hard. I know you are still out there, I see the views on my blog. In fact 52 of you were here yesterday. Which is crazy pants. I haven't put anything up since December. So there. Re-read at will. Johnny is that you? Blogging involves a lot of self openness. Yet, recently I have my face scrunched up not wanting to leak any of me out in print. I ought to quit that, it's giving me wrinkles. Obviously I've lost my wit. Or wherewithal. Maybe both? Nah. When I talk to people in the real world they still show me their teeth. They are either thinking I am a dentist or that I am funny. We'll never know. I'll ask around and get back to you.