2011 has taught me a lot. I mean tons. I mean I am standing here near its end and I do not need to learn one more single thing. Nope, I'm full thanks. I'm actually scared of typing that, I'm sure the roof will cave in or my neck will crack a certain way and I'll be leaning over gumby-ish for the rest of my days and then where would I be? I'm not that bendy. If you have been following this blog, you all remember the biblical flood from April to June, you know the whole 70 days of this mayhem: Not that those waves were crashing against my house, that would be insane....Oh wait. No what would be insane is to not evacuate and fight to save the house, who does that? But actually the year started with a whiz banger of a bang in January. For instance, a person learning he has cancer of the liver at noon then passes away at 11:30pm same day - who does that? SURPRISE! Then who does this, 3 days later, in front of a hundred people at his funeral and doesn't...
What? This is a perfectly normal photo. Oh, the story attached to it? Yes, I see your point. Well, it all started over a year ago, the best set-ups do. Near my home there was a 6ft giant metal shark as a business front ornament for a gas station. You know, nothing says gas like a shark, frankly eHarmony was certainly involved, so perfect the match. I drove directly into their parking lot hearing angels in my head, or that could have been the people I ran over. I stood there gob smacked, grinning. It's on metal posts 6ft in the air, sexy subtle. I wasn't really hugging it, I was trying to see if I could budge it more than a centimeter. Then a thought occurred to me that my actions could be interpreted as stealing, and after running over those people, I may be in trouble. "Not for sale" gas station man said when I offered to buy it. He had to repeat himself apparently I had gone deaf. Back at home Johnny Depp laughed at my description, but od...
Postpartum flood rebuilding is all the rage now, so are parachute pants with a different name, but, again, I fashionably digress. 2 Legit. Every day you hear nail guns, trucks, doozy what's-its, drills, swearing, calls to bank managers and a bit of sobbing. This week is my week! I got me some trucks and hoes, bitches! They have delivered tons of big rocks to shore up the land near the river, dirt to level out the 3 yards, gravel for the driveway and seeds for grass. I can't wait to have an actual driveway! If a 12 year old shows up in an army tank next year to ruin my driveway again, I will reach in there and snatch his smart phone and smack him with it. Speaking of which, texting while spreading dirt backwards driving a 2 ton back hoe does not make you look cool a mere inches from my house. What does make you cool is peeing on my yard. I have windows, so do my neighbours we all saw your wiener, thanks for that. Sigh. Unfortunately this is not my first merry-go-'r...
Comments