Sloth pool.

I have no idea who this person is. 

After a few years absence, I've decided to see if I can still swim. The last time I re-booted the swimming external drive, this happened : click here-> Covet Thine Mouth.  How bad could it be this time? Nowhere to go but up I say.

They renovated the old pool! It was the grand opening yesterday. They have added windows. It used to feel like I was drowning in a sarcophagus in there. Now it feels like I am drowning in a nice airy relaxing place. If you're going to die, might as well be in a pleasant room.

They have added new and improved 12 year old lifeguards too! They are lovely little creatures that smile, bounce and flip their hair a lot, so exciting! Now the third time they ask you if you have read the rules on the wall - you know because we've all been swimming there since the 80's (the year their parents were born) and we need to be reminded SEVERAL times not to run on deck nor push each other - it can get a little tedious.  But no worries, I am super stoked about my first day! I wore my swim cap to bed the night before because I am awesome! Then again seeing a bunch of 40 year olds and 60 year olds running around shoving each other would be the BEST DAY EVER!!

First things first. I needed to choose a lane. Thankfully the bouncy 12 year olds have identified each one: Fast, Medium, Slow, Sloth, We Are All Going To Die and of course Asshole Olympians. You know the ones right? It's Monday and they still have their triathlon numbers from Saturday written on their leg?  Yeah, we see you. I looked around to verify the speed of the swimmers already in the pool. Huh. Do the 12 year olds know that Medium people are just standing there talking? I checked the rules again. Nothing. Fine. I will not achieve Fast lane status for a while, so off I went to Slow lane feeling optimistic.

Off I go!

Good Christ.

First lap thoughts:

Can anyone else hear that loud cracking sound my left shoulder is making?

When will this lap EVER end?

Wait, is it breathe in while head is in water or breathe out?

I'm going to pass out!

Halfway? How am I only halfway?

Save me 12 year old! Save me!

What kind of fresh hell is this? There is water in my goggles! Aahhhhh.

When I came to, I counted 20 laps with stopping at every end. No smooth flips for this gal yet. The slowest most pathetic laps in the history of all swimming. You know what though?



stivafan said…
Ya sure are a cute sloth!

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