Welcome to the jungle of awesomeness.

Support your local shops is my motto.

The problem is they have people in them. Ew.  Armed with mace and a positive attitude, I fa la la la laed uptown.

First, I needed a snap button repaired on my trusty winter coat so I headed to a seamstress tiny shop. It was lovely in there, especially the nice woman with the unfortunate habit of coughing on me. Why do people do that to me?  I surmised between hacking convulsions that this poor half dead woman was not able to snap a snap back on and with her dying last cough sent me to a cobbler shop.

I now have a pneumonia coming on surely?

Okay cobbler shop, Hi, I drove all the way cross town to see you how are you today? "CAN'T DO IT." Comes the reply.  Huh? I've only walked in the door? Surely the seamstress couldn't have called you from her grave to tell you about a tiny snap?  Turns out I was holding my coat in a "certain manner" that prevented him from seeing what kind of snap. Apparently there are millions. Or only two. We'll never know. He grabbed my coat, punched it with a magic stick and smacked it with a hammer. "4 DOLLARS"  Can't get that online. I thanked him loudly since he, apparently, was hard of hearing. Or maybe he just likes yelling.  We'll never know.

Back in the car, I'm in bumper to bumper let's do the red light 12 times traffic. Boy do I love traffic. You know the kind that makes you want to remove all of your clothing and run out the car screaming whilst pulling your hair out?  Good times.

At the chi chi poo poo mall I find the perfect parking near the door. Yay me. The sign in front of the parking spot says for families only. I have family somewhere, so it was perfect.

I needed a break so I stopped for a muffin and a cup of people watching. The lady at the muffin shop had these VERY long finger nails with green tips. Festive. I was frightened but am too cheap to leave my change, so her nails actually grazed my hand during the transaction. I know, right?  She is now lizard hand lady to me forever.

Sitting down to eat my muffin, a herd of elderly gentlemen shuffled over and asked if the other seats were taken. Befuddled and before I could say ZIRCON, they all left with the chairs to gather around another herd. It was so quick it felt like an F-1 pit stop.  I ate my muffin and tried not to blink too often in case someone stole the chair I was sitting on right from under me. I also tried to block out lizard hands making my muffin.

I called Johnny Depp and texted Pixarian just to make sure I was still me, turns out I am still awesome. Phew.

Support your local shops!




Comments

Sue said…
Loved it Kathleen! Very festive and terrifying all at the same time.

Sue & HotRod

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