When the Dalmatian flung embarrassing poo.

It all started innocent enough.  And ended wickedly devilish.

Doing laundry, I found a receipt in Johnny Depp's jeans pocket and was about to crumple it up, but something caught my eye:

BLUEBERRY CONDOMS
COLGATE

Wait. What? Did I read that right?


BLUEBERRY CONDOMS
COLGATE


Yep, there it was in black and white.

We use neither. Odd.

In my head it went thusly:

Do they make them to taste like blueberries, or the colour of blueberries? Why would they make them taste like blueberries silly Kat....Oh. OH. Ah. Must be the colour....

And in a flash I knew how that receipt got there. And not the Jerry-my-husband-is-cheating-on-me-with-my-lover's-sister/cousin/friend/goat-Springer kinda way.

The evening before we were at - oh let's call her Pénélope - apartment for supper, enjoying merriment, food and beverages, fun! As we did dishes Johnny Depp took the Dalmatian for his constitutional in the park, picking up a recycled store bag from a bin just inside her door. Hand inside bag, find and remove receipt, put paper in pocket, pick up and bag poo...

Of course, THE first call I made was to her!

I thought "BLUEBERRY CONDOMS?"  in lieu of hello, would be appropriate. Then utter silence. Surely she was trying to figure out how the heck I knew about a very private joke purchase for her new beau.  There was also some sputtering about friends who go through other friends garbage and how I was enjoying this embarrassment a little too much  - we both blamed Humphrey for having to poo - then laughed until no tears nor pee could ever come out ever again.

God I love that woman.

Next call was to Johnny Depp at work. I took a very serious tone. Well, as serious as I can with him.

"I found a receipt in your jeans, it says, are you ready for this? It says you purchased blueberry condoms and Colgate."

Again with the shocked silence as he tried to piece together the letters I had spoken into words he could understand. But I maintained my 3 minutes of acting.


"HOW COULD YOU?!?! We use CREST!"








*Click*

I hung up. I had to. We were laughing so hard I needed to pee again.

Comments

stivafan said…
Mmmmmm, Colgate.

Popular posts from this blog

The Dalmatian, the Mute Deer Goat and now....

Rock. Paper. Scissors. (part 1)