You can't kill a vampire with a garlic treat, stupid.

Vampire don't care, vampire don't give a shit.

One of my first movie theater dates with Johnny Depp was one of the Blade films. You know the one where Ryan Reynolds takes his shirt off?

Let us pray.

Seriously, did the man swallow paint rollers?

Not my first merry-go-round with vampire porn - because let's face it people, vampires are sex on a fang - none of this virgin-esque new stuff. Okay fine, I did read the let's-never-have-sex-skip-to-school-hand-in-hand Twilight books. For the same reason I read Water For Elephants...I could be his mother! This is shameful! Don't tell anyone about my Rupert Grint either...

As a young teenager, my friend D. and I would scooter to the terminus, then take a bus, then the métro (subway) up to Montréal. Very determined kids. We would see anything in the horror/sci fi category. Thank goodness for that, it's how I first met Johnny Depp in 1984, A Nightmare on Elm street. We've been tight ever since.

Oddly enough in my 20's, no more horror films for me, to much rape, pillage, guns...too real or too stupid. Yes, dumb ass, drop the keys in the woods next to the van that doesn't start... Never stopped loving vamps though, Anne Rice filled the gaps there, she is Queen of all things Damned, obviously.

Now if you made it this far...

Cut back to us in a NY movie theater watching Ryan Reynolds abs, I mean, Wesley Snipes swiping vampire heads off with, well, blades.

"BAH HA HA, DID YOU SEE HIS HEAD CAME RIGHT OFF!! BAH HA HA!!"

Apparently laughing out loud, slapping the seat and scarfing down popcorn while saying that is NOT the appropriate automatic nervous response? Hmm. Go figure.

I looked around, people were staring at me. They were afraid of the movie too. What an odd bunch, no? I elbowed Johnny wondering what THEIR problem was. Well I  tried to elbow him. My elbow came in contact with air. He was kind of leaning AWAY actually. Maybe even looking for another seat. Looking a bit green around the gills.

Ah.

Coughs.

Um. Sorry?

I became the hand holdee rather than hand holder that day. I am pleased with my role and try to keep my outbursts to a minimum.  Although we had a memorable 24-Jack Bauer moment of me screaming

"SHOOT HIM IN THE OTHER LEG BAH HA HA!!"

I have since repented.

Also, if ever you are near Johnny Depp? DO NOT poke him during a True Blood episode, I repeat, DO NOT poke him.  It's hard scraping a Johnny Depp off your ceiling you know.



~K

Comments

stivafan said…
I still have the bruise from that elbow, thanks.

Popular posts from this blog

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.

Playing sandwich chicken with a hoe.