How Jaysus met his maker. Part 3.

Now granted, I was lazy about getting out the canoe and paddling in 110km winds with various evacuees, dogs and relatives, frankly the whole fearing for my life and my house was a lame excuse for not jumping right into the 5ft waves hitting my house (waves hitting my house on all four sides) and just getting that giant metal shark. I mean come on! Certainly there were the logistics of how to ride a shark while carrying the canoe over my head. But in the end it was better to live another day, wait for the end of the mother flood, and try to stay sane whilst.

Sanity depended on how much pie there was in the house and wearing hip waders 24/7. Pecan pie especially. You can pronounce the word pecan any way you like, just leave me alone. I was eating anything I could get my hands on and the boots didn't make my hair look fat at all. I was eating like a pig and losing weight, it was awesome. My mind also needed hilarity to take the edge off maybe having to evacuate my home, so this came to mind:

(photo from

Pig'n'boots, aka Lisa, is the cutest, most endearing, funny photo ever.  Word to the wise, when you call Pig Rescue and ask for a tiny pig in boots, they do not treat you kindly. Fine! I took to the web in search of tiny pigs. My heart soared! TEA CUP pigs for sale EVERYWHERE!!! I needed twelve! No wait fourteen. No twelve, I think. Yes twelve!  Being a diligent dutiful animal owner, I went straight to the PayPal account, hell they even ship 'em! Sigh.

There is no such thing as a tea cup pig actually. The pig pushers show photos of tiny baby just born pigs and sell them under false pretense. Even pygmy pigs, who are real, get as big as, let's say a very fat whippet, and you need an agriculture permit to own one. Pig Rescue people, and actual researching just suck the life right out of that tiny bacon idea. Stupid brain.

Seeing my distress, and obvious desperation, my friends, fearful of me creating an actual pig ark, started to keep the hilarity chip activated in said brain. This took us all on a journey...


stivafan said…

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