How Jaysus met his maker. Part 5.

The flood waters having left my driveway, my car being at my disposal again, hunting she shall go. My arrival at the now defunct gas station, having not been marred by running over any pedestrians, was no less horrific. NOT FOR SALE. The gas station had sold and was now a scuba shop slash paint ball shop, which makes a giant shark relevant to its business. Personally I would have shot the shark up with paint balls to get the point across, but I digress. I opted to get out of my car after sobbing for a good 20 seconds, and take photos. The owner, who again had no paint balls splatter on him, walked slowly towards me with a look that said let's try  to not scare the crazy lady. The walking on tippy toes, arms stretched out in a "I am harmless" way, like he was going to bag me, was a bit much, no?

I tried that whole banter thing I've seen other people do with strangers. I've been observing this in humans for many years now, so I gave it a go.

"SHARK FOR SALE, YES?"

Are you not supposed to scream these things out? I suppose adding a few more words and not scowling would have been smart because boy did he whip that cell phone out real quick and held it out in front him.

"IT'S NOT A CRUCIFIX YOU KNOW! HA HA!"

Weird, I came back home shark-less.

Uploading my photos to my online tribe caused and instant ruckus and quite frankly some bullying. Like why didn't I show scuba ball paint dude my nice rack, especially the left lumpy one? Why didn't I send Johnny Depp over there in a pirate speedo?  What does "Pfft" mean? Well that last one isn't relevant, but I get it a lot.

Even this Allie Smith (fictional name) screamed that I needed to get her that shark NOW.  She doesn't know it, but we were having this huge fight. We could all agree though that we needed to name him. Beyoncé was taken. Twice. So this badgering Allie Smith (fictional name) was all like trying to ingratiate herself again and said he be named Jaysus. Jaysus he is! The name being a compliment to me since this is my go to word. We totally made up after that huge fight without her knowing it.

I vowed to strap Jaysus on (hey now!) my Rave40 and drive him to Virginia (fictional place).....

Comments

You are just marvelous!!!
stivafan said…
Another chance for the speedo? Cool!
Marc and Lauri said…
Is this really the last post about Jaysus? Sobbing...

Popular posts from this blog

The Dalmatian, the Mute Deer Goat and now....

Rock. Paper. Scissors. (part 1)